G is for gravity!



She announced this in a loud voice.
“Why gravity? I am sure you are not referring to it in the scientific sense as that would be boring; at least a 19,8 on the 20 point bored-out-of-your-skull scale.”
“Of course not, dear, but have you seen what it does to a woman’s body? You would have thought that scientists would jump at the chance to rectify the matter, but instead they are off investigating planets, creepy crawlies and viruses. Gravity insists on pulling everything south. We have to rely on girdles, underwire bras and Spanx to keep everything on the up and up. When you hit 40 BAM your boobs look as if an entire African nation has sucked them dry; your belly grows pendulous and insists that its natural position is on your knees or between your legs; your buttocks sag onto the backs of your thighs and your underarms keep waving at people long after you have consciously stopped the motion. And the chin, turkey gobble, flab wab- don’t let them lie to you about the face exercises, dear, they do NOT work no matter how many times you grimace or look like a giraffe. And have you noticed how the skin on your knees sags until they almost reach your ankles? They are crying-help me, help me, pull me up! Gravity SUCKS, I hate it.”
I listened to the impassioned plea of a woman who still wanted to look good even though age had interfered. I knew precisely what she was talking about too. I only had to glance at myself in a mirror to know the truth. The only thing she had forgotten were the brows which were slowly but surely drooping over the eyes and giving one a sloth eyed, idiotic look. I had to agree gravity and aging sucked!

How to gravity proof your body, but damn I hate exercising!


12 responses »

  1. I swim 3 times a week- mixing endurance with sprints and while I added muscle, gravity is taking its toll. So frustrating, especially since I eat very little junk food, eat healthy meals at home, and my biggest dietary threat is maybe 2 choc chip cookies every other day. grrrrr.

  2. And you get an award for the most unique blog I’ve seen tonight. You, girl, are in a class by yourself! Love this and will have to come back for more! Sharon from A to Z and 500 Words!

  3. This calls to mind a graphic I once saw in a prison publication, a line drawing of the globe that said, “There is no such thing as gravity–the earth sucks.” Hahahahaha! Love this. At 42, I’m feeling it. It’s why I’m beginning to practice yoga’s legs-up-the-wall pose more and more. Sigh.

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