Obviously she did not leave as here I am once again typing words, albeit slower than usual. She had gone on a slow strike just to show me that she meant business. I had to appease her, which brings me inevitably to fat fillers. When I mentioned the phrase she peeked around her bedroom door and ventured out hesitantly.
“None,” I reassured her. She had diligently dusted every dark corner of my mind and sprayed it liberally with insect killer. Some of my brain cells were still coughing in agony.
“Fat is an excellent filler for wrinkles, even better than Botox,” I continued.
“Which is why I don’t plan on losing weight, dear. I refuse to look like Rumple-stilt-skin.”
“Huh?” My brain cells were slow in catching up.
“And she calls herself a writer, Lord have mercy” she sighed. “Never heard of the fairytale character, I take it?”
“Rumpelstiltskin as in rumpelgeist?”
“No, ‘Rumple’ as in rumpled, ‘stilt’ as in stretched on upright poles and skin- well skin, dear. I abhor wrinkled, stretched skin, it really is quite simple.”
“Let’s see if I understand correctly, since we are both fat we will never need filling?”
“Exactly, dear,” she said waving her hand across her flawless, albeit obese features.
“Who would want fat from their butts sitting right under their noses or eyes? Not my idea of kosher, dear,” she grumbled and I had to admit that her reasoning made sense.
“Would it be at all possible for me to choose the word for g?” she asked hesitantly.
“Of course,” I said magnanimously.
Here’s how they use your very own, natural fat as a filler.