Writers tend to scrutinise fellow humans. You have to admit if you stand a little too close to a writer you might end up as a character in the next novel, pray that you are not murder victim number six and a half, which would leave you stuck somewhere between the realms of life and death, I suppose.
I tend to ramble on, being who I inevitably am – a crazed writer drooling over my manuscript rubbing my hands together and saying: “My precious….my precious…”
I hear my internal editor saying: “Get to the point, will you!” and I certainly will if only to shut her up. We all have an invisible bubble surrounding us, called our private space, which should be sacrosanct. If you are even a tiny bit like me you tend to challenge that bubble, just to get a reaction which, you guessed it, will end up in a novel.
Have you noticed that whenever anybody gets into an elevator they tend to turn around and stare at the blinking floor numbers? It’s no surprise that eyeballing them doesn’t make the elevator go any faster! I on the other hand stride into it, announce my floor preference loudly to the poor person standing next to the button device and grin insanely at everyone. The next step is to engage them in conversation while looking them in the eye of course:
”How are my favourite people doing this morning?” Oh, how they cringe! The reactions are hilarious to say the least. Most people try to move as far away from me as the confines of the elevator allow. I read their facial expressions quite well – I got onto an elevator with a crazy person, I want out! Others grin sheepishly and answer: “Uhmmm, quite alright…thank you.” Notice that I do not turn to face the door or the numbers for the rest of the journey. When the doors open at the very next floor everybody gets off and I thought I was making new friends damn it!
When paying for a parking ticket I never seem to have the correct change to feed the machine. Imagine everyone’s surprise when I announce at the top of my voice:”I have won, look everyone, I have won!” as the silver change tinkles into the holder. I know it’s just my change, but you should see the looks on the faces of everyone in the vicinity! Human nature sure is quirky isn’t it, or maybe it’s just me….?
PS If you are looking for annoying things to do in an elevator- here is some inspiration 9gag.com/gag/555410