Confessions of a farmchick: Some plumbers are hot Part 1





Some plumbers are hot!

(a Mills and Boon love story)


Angelic voices burst forth inside Jane’s head when Hank the plumber walked into Head Office one day after personally being called upon by Mr. Strange to fix a leaking pipe. If only, Jane thought, she had leaky pipes built into her body somehow!


In Jane’s left ear, Annie Lennox sang in high, soft, melodic notes, while in the right, Barry White crooned in the lowest, soul-enriched tones he could muster.  Between Jane’s ears bows and arrows with gossamer fairy wings fluttered up, up and almost away before quickly diving deep into her heart. The arrow’s sharp points pierced the fragile thin layer of skin and ignited the spark she had been searching for. Jane’s eyes flashed with the intense burning flames of passion. She wondered whether this was what a crush felt like.


We need to set the record straight regarding our girl, Jane. She knew little about love, save that which she garnered from movies and endless reruns of “The Young and the restless” or “Loving” when she was younger.  Quality time at home consisted of food and watching these episodes religiously with her mother.  Thus, Jane “learned” that love was supposed to be filled with drama, passion and intrigue and topped, somewhat like a cherry on top of a rich, moist chocolate cake, with utter and true happiness. Throw in some security in the form of gorgeous clothes and lavish holidays to exotic destinations and sublime happiness could be yours. Jane would be in her element at said destinations, wearing a large, floppy Valentino hat, huge Police sunglasses, a white, long whimsical dress and a Gucci handbag. Jane’s misconceptions of love, over-protective parents, her performance and status at school of being a nerd, combined with her personal issues of intense self loathing spelled trouble with a capital t. She thought of herself as incredibly, horrifyingly ugly- a mixture of Cruella de Ville, the Hunchback of Notre Dame and the Corpse’ Bride. Jane, like all of us, wanted to be loved, but was always too afraid to reach out and grab it.


Hank stood there and for a moment Jane was speechless while inwardly she allowed herself the luxury of noisily sucking on eye-candy!  Swift introductions were made and with formalities out of the way, Jane settled down to watch the plumber at work. His eyes were azure blue and Jane felt as if she could promptly dive into their cool depths. Somehow he made her feel alive, she blossomed in his presence and , whenever he was around, she could feel her body tingle as a warm, comfortable blanket of importance and subtle sexiness wrapped around her. She could almost believe that she was worthy of being loved and loving in return.


He wasn’t just an ordinary run of the mill plumber with saggy, faded, two sizes too large jeans, a pencil behind the ear and a stained t-shirt with a hole in it, nor was he the type to bend over in such a way in a lady’s presence that his jeans slipped off and an inordinate amount of hairy butt crack showed. Hank was a different breed altogether, he was classy; a true gentleman.


Dressed crisply in khaki pants and a Jeep shirt, Hank was dashing; not overtly muscular, not too thin and definitely not a cave man. His features were ordinary, yet extraordinary, as if his nose, eyes and mouth were chiseled to perfection by an artist. Jane imagined his body to be as beautiful as Michelangelo’s David. The cologne he used hung in the air for hours afterward, teasing Jane’s nostrils with its manly scent. She couldn’t help wondering what it would feel like to touch his sun kissed skin. His huge hand had swallowed hers during the introduction and she was acutely aware of the slightly calloused inner part and the soft upper part.   


The sexiest part of his outfit had to be the brown, leather tool belt draped around his waist. It had various leather pouches in which he carried the tools of his trade. Jane loved looking at his tools; there was something overpoweringly masculine about it!



As luck would have it, the lab and studio employees just “happened” to walk into Head Office that very day, saw the distracted look on Jane’s face, put two and two together and did for once not get five and joked endlessly about it for days afterward, much to Jane’s embarrassment. Hank sporadically returned for a chat with Jane and to work on repairs in the office. Jane however thought he came back solely to see her (maybe she should have invested in the book: “He’s just not that into you”, oh well, no use crying over spilled milk).



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